Asking for Help, Trusting Others to Help

I like to assume I can pretty much do anything I want to. Most of my life I have struggled incessantly at something rather than ask for help. That's why it's so fascinating to me that I love helping other people, yet sometimes neglect to love myself enough to receive that same courtesy! Not to mention, other people probably would LOVE TO HELP ME, if I would just give them the chance. That often happens in the way of paying somebody for a service, and I have to say, nearly always when I go out on this limb, the rewards are well worth the time I have saved.

Just this week, I've observed some examples of how asking for help has improved my life by simply giving me more time.

I spent most of today struggling with understanding QuickBooks tutorials. I asked my dad, then my husband for help. But it's really my accountant who can best help since he has most of my information to begin with. So I'm setting up time with him to learn how to use QuickBooks - not to mention a lesson in accounting, as that wasn't covered in my advertising classes!

Last week I signed up for SitterCity.com, a babysitter matchmaking site. Word of mouth sometimes can carry you only so far, and I found it was time to reach out for resources besides just whom I know. I was having a lot of difficulty at first getting sitters, then called for a refund in frustration. The service rep was so kind and suggested, "why don't we try a couple things first..." And those "couple things" ended up making all the difference. My new sitter starts this week!

Dieting with Jenny Craig program. So many times I tell myself, normal women can do this without help, why can't I? The thing is, everyone has strengths and challenges. For me, weight management happens to be a challenge, and therefore, an area I suspect I'll always want some extra support. Specifically, I'm not counting calories or cooking (saving me countless time) so I know that I'm following a healthy program without having to obsess over it. And I get a personal cheerleader every week - who else do I know would get excited if I lost 2 pounds? At Jenny Craig, they do!

Then there's the help that just shows up sometimes. Our front sidewalk mysteriously kept getting snowblown while my husband was at work, we're assuming by our neighbors who are truly like living next to Santa & his elves - they are nicer than we could ever imagine. (My husband rushed to shovel recently to give Santa some time off!)

This week, I wonder if you might consider what areas of your life could you ask for more help to give you time and peace of mind?

The Secret to Balancing Work & Family

This Tuesday, I'll again be joining my friend Laura with Arbonne as we talk with another group of moms considering work-family balance. My evening's talk, according to the flyer, is quite rousing in that "Life Coach Nichole Santoro will inspire us with secrets to balancing work, family, and achieving your personal and career goals." I had to smile...if I knew THOSE secrets, I'd be selling quite a few books right now, no?!?

Then I thought, OK, this is really a great challenge and great fun! And I'm testing the waters with you - let me know what you think.

The truth is...the activities and support systems that help you reach your goals are all going to vary and be customized by person. Some people like paper calendars, some people like blackberries, some people love helping out at school, others prefer volunteering in the community, some people think part time work is 30 hours a week, while others max out at 10. Some people prefer to get support from their moms, some from mentors in their industry, others chat with their girlfriends, some want a personal coach, others want a supportive team structure. Some moms want jobs at home to blend their work and family. Other moms want clear boundaries between work and family so that they have one singular focus at a time. So there is truly an abundance of possibilities for creating balance with work and family.

As I pondered and pondered, I did come to a couple of universal ideas that could be true for EVERYONE. I've been reading them in law of attraction books and more recently, saw them explained in The Secret (I found this very interesting in that my "talk" is also titled "secrets").

Here's what I've come up with that I've found to be true in my own life. If there is just one universal secret, I believe it is that everything you want in your life comes about with internal changes. How I believe this works is fundamentally three components:

1) DESIRE. This can be very easy, in that "I want a new car, new job, new boss, new clothes." And sometimes not so easy and requires some thought, as in, "How do I want to use my talents in a new career?" Or perhaps, "I really want to be a makeup artist, stay at home mom, personal shopper, interior designer, etc." but I can't and/or I shouldn't. To really demonstrate desire, look to your children as an example. They are experts at making their desires known!

2) SELF-LOVE. Love Yourself enough to believe you deserve what you want and you can have what you want. It's just that simple, and probably the most difficult of the three. That's because we've grown up with so many beliefs about what will work and what won't work and so we're used to learning and playing by the rules. We may also have been taught that loving ourselves first is selfish. But as the conventional wisdom goes, we need to put on our own oxygen masks before we can help a child - or other people - with theirs. A very touching book which exemplifies this beautifully is, The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio: How My Mother Raised 10 Kids on 25 Words or Less. Goodness, if this mom managed to fulfill her passionate hobby of contest writing, and earn enough income off her prizes to make a housing down payment, imagine what each of us could do once we truly believe in ourselves!

3) EMOTION. "I really really really want this." "I really really really believe I can have this." Again, those kiddies have this one down pat. They're reminding you at every opportunity, just in case you've forgotten of course, what exactly it is they wanted and absolutely must have.

And then, the external components come into play when you're excited to implement strategies that will get you what you want...a better body, more time with your children, a new career. Trying to implement external changes (think of all the "how to's" lists in magazines) without first tapping into your deepest motivations is what can hold us back from succeeding.

Personally, I can say that when I started working with my first coach in 2004 and wrote my hopes and dreams onto paper, they have nearly all come true.

Try this at home. Be inspired by your life!